1. |
Breaking Mirrors
04:50
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Wait all this time to know why
you had to wait all this time...
The past comes as no surprise,
so don't ask me—I won't answer:
"How much disaster
is it safe to manufacture?"
Wait all your life to know why
you had to wait all your life...
Learned how to pretend to survive,
and you looked so happy—
but you're no actor.
What luck are you after,
breaking mirrors
beneath that ladder?
So don't ask me, I won't answer...
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2. |
Brick Ocean
03:12
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In your volcanic gown
of skin you can't pronounce...
Home sweet somewhere else,
everywhere you're not allowed—
lost in the crowd...
Shores of postcards you've burned,
souvenirs for what it's worth...
Avalanche of cursive birds—
couldn't read the words...
Tidal wave, brick ocean—
their horizons collide...
All these infinities—
how long will they remember me?
Your chameleon eyes—
claustrophobic skies...
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3. |
At All Times or Costs
02:57
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Waited so long just to feel this young,
no time left to finish what you've done.
You know enough to know you know nothing,
still you're convinced you should be suffering...
Raindrops kiss the window and explode,
reminds you of cells under a microscope.
Divided between past and present tense—
too soon, you were not ready for this...
You leave the house to bury your shovel
and your history of not knowing what to do now.
Birth is a grave that digs itself from the inside out...
Hurts to be afraid of what you want
without hiding behind what you've already lost...
At all times or costs...
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4. |
The Warmest December
03:53
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Hand on the doorknob, you turn back to see
telling me I should just go back to sleep.
Your voice: a poem I close my eyes to read...
You're the moment I remember you're not here.
You're the warmest December of the year.
Whisper amnesias forever in my ear...
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5. |
Surrogate
03:22
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A question's crippled spine,
no answer could align.
No truth would empathize
with failure's lullaby...
You're trying to sleep
as it sings in screams—
softer than you think,
still you hope someone else
will wake up for you...
The heart's a clumsy bone
that breaks when left alone,
bleeding only molten marrow...
Now love's become
uninhabitable...
You've abandoned its world
to find somewhere else—
and there, I'll wait for you...
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6. |
Fortunate Love
02:40
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Jealousy of your fortunate love
winds the clock backwards to "Please..."
Distracted too soon by the moon's fatal charm,
now I'm a long way from your arms...
Fell as she woke from what you're dreaming of,
finds it's not half what she needs.
I disappeared when I followed you here,
afraid of what I'm scared to fear...
Memories of more than you've "had enough,"
sighing a breath of relief—
photographs I've kept and learned to trust,
and not one of them is of us...
Jealousy of your fortunate love...
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7. |
Say Hello
04:58
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Everyone say, "Hello,"
to your fondest memory...
You never want to let go
of what your goodbyes envy.
You feel like being left alone,
just you and your heartbeat.
Got nowhere else to go,
so you know where I'll be...
Talk to myself a lot,
it isn't so surprising...
When will I learn to stop
over-analyzing?
Can't untie these knots,
labyrinth inside me.
You pretend you've gotten lost,
but you're only hiding...
So if you ever want to say, "Hello,"
you know where I'll be...
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8. |
The Map of Your Voice
05:03
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My ears' seashells have memorized:
locate you with only the blank map of your voice...
But I see shadows of things that aren't there—
I disappeared when I followed you here...
Now your tears like light bulbs glow in the dark,
so upset but the film has yet to even start...
My lungs digging holes in the air—
your voice from my mouth, I turn around
you're not even there...
Living alone with loves of long ago...
Dialing the phone: no answer, no one's home.
Buried in the past—that's where love's flowers grow...
The dead have learned all there is to know...
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9. |
Wound, Palindrome
05:45
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Life's a long palindrome,
leaving home to come back home
where we regret the unknown...
Apology must be
some new field of study
where no one learns anything...
The universe was wounded at birth—
galaxies are just bruises on its flesh...
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10. |
Long Lost
04:24
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Breed a long lost time of day...
Read across the final page
where meaning overcompensates
for what truth cannot relate...
Secret trap disguised as safe,
its sleepy hostage wide awake
dreaming of a tidal wave...
Now the past arrives too late,
hoping there's still time to change—
but truth costs more than lies will pay
for immortalized myths replaced
with years of memorized mistakes...
Time's dyslexic glass charade
maps its mazes last parade...
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11. |
||||
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Not thinking much,
a parade of skeletons
biting off their own tongues...
In their eyes black roses bloom
like little parachutes,
rising like sunset's bruise—
the night turning like a screw...
There is no god—
you've been staring at this inkblot
long enough to know what it's not...
Somehow we exist
clutching life in a fist,
believing it's worth the risk...
Clock hand with a broken wrist...
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12. |
Infinity's Womb
04:04
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Infinity's womb
the size of dawn's waiting room—
night falls too soon...
Window, half closed...
You're outside digging a black hole.
Climb down, see how deep it goes—
fossilized scarecrow...
No ghost, just bones—
how old, who knows...
You tell yourself you're lonely now,
but just look who you're talking to...
Tomorrows ago...
Window, black hole—
a rainbow's shadow...
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13. |
Faint as Years Fade
04:05
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Feeling faint as years fade like love...
Too afraid to say you've had enough.
Your only reason why is, "Just because..."
You felt it once, but didn't know what it was...
Labyrinth fingerprints like record grooves...
Can't name the song they play, you get confused.
Not meant to be, and no such thing as truth—
can't think of anything that proves...
Can't stop remembering
all that you haven't found,
it's not wrong to doubt...
Sunset resembling
a Rorschach's symmetric clouds,
black ink dripping down...
Not what you were expecting,
the excitement just makes you drowsy...
Feeling faint as years fade like love...
Collapsed into the life you're dreaming of.
Eyelashes tangled up like thin, wet tongues,
like blindfolding a skeleton—still so young...
The mirror's reflecting
something it can't pronounce,
face like a ghost town...
So you can stop pretending
anyone's listening now—
no one's around...
The kind of ending
you could write songs about...
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14. |
||||
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I found a friend, my friend—
lying on the floor of his apartment.
Pounded on the door, called his cell phone—
he didn't answer.
His car was parked outside—
I was afraid to know why.
Borrowed a ladder from the guy next door,
climbed up to his window.
What I expected to find, I don't know...
No one had heard from him in almost a week.
Three weeks ago, he and I went out to eat
and just talked instead of going to see a movie.
And we all lose touch, for a while,
go on with our lives—
at least a short time, until we...
Trying to understand what it meant...
Called 911, called Nate,
gave the detective a statement,
went home and climbed into bed.
Dreamt I was back at his apartment,
he was still lying there...
He sat up and smiled and said,
"I was only joking, I swear..."
Christopher Michael Costello...
You were fine just three weeks ago...
Christopher Michael Costello...
We said goodbye and we both went home...
I found a friend, my friend—
lying on the floor of his apartment.
For the rest of my life, I'll live with your death...
The coroner said it was probably just an accident:
maybe the pain patch you wore, plus the pills
and, on top of it all, you started drinking again...
I keep wondering what it meant,
what it means to be alive at all
if you can just go off and die with no one knowing
until you don't answer their phone calls...
You were there about a week,
and we'll never speak again.
One of the last things we talked about was death...
Trying to think of anything to feel better...
My daughter was conceived
in the house you once owned on Oxford Ave.
where, long ago, you and I lived together...
Why'd it have to be you?
Why'd it have to be me who found you?
Why does it have to be anyone at all?
Just answer the phone call...
Eventually, someone finds us all...
Christopher Michael Costello...
You'll be missed, but you'll never know...
Christopher Michael Costello...
You were loved and, still, you died alone...
Christopher Michael Costello...
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